Does Marriage Frighten You?

I dislike the thought of marriage, and I’m a female who lives together with her (male) significant other. What frightens me is the societal stress, you’ve been together for some time, why don’t you “make it official”? So, it wasn’t official that I was living with this people before? For the reason that I’m very sure I signed a lease with them.

I was out with one of my male friends another night and he pointed out that he thought his girlfriend was thinking of them getting married.

“You’re just projecting stuff. What makes you think she even wants to get married?” I said, “She said ‘I think we should think about getting married.’” “Oh. Yeah. I guess she might be thinking about that, then.” “I think women just all love that stuff. Like, women are born wanting to get married. And guys just don’t.

Okay, first of all, this is stupid, because marriage does nothing but benefit men. It makes men live longer and be happier. Not even being happily married. Marriage is going to make guys happy and not die.

Second of all, this is stupid because women have just as many reasons to be scared of marriage as men. Want some reasons? Here are some:

1) You won’t be able to eat yogurt and drink vodka while sprawling thousand piece puzzles on the coffee table and mumbling things to yourself without anyone else noticing anymore. If someone else was just sitting in the room, you’d feel self conscious about that. (Okay, that’s my reason).

2) (This is a more general reason) The person you married could be a serial killer.

3) What if you meet a non-serial killer clown with Brad Pitt’s face and Jesus’ abs tomorrow?

4) You could be really bad at it. Like, the proximity to another person every day could turn you into a psycho bitch.

5) Are you sure you’re not a lesbian? Maybe you owe it to yourself to experiment.

6) Does it mean you’ll have to do someone else’s laundry and learn to cook and generally be a grown-up? Because that sounds terrify.

7)  The person you marry could decide that they want to pursue their life dream of becoming a clown.

Okay, you could find your reasons here. Bonus points if they don't have anything to do with the truth that you’re man.

Not being able to move after my marriage. I miss my family, he doesn’t mind so much. If one of us has an amazing work but we’d have to move far away, another people must give up his or her life, job and move, then have to find another work in the new city. That one is an actual concern for me.