That Racist Talk at a Dinner Party

Lots of people consider that racism is about very clear aware hatred of a specific group. Things turn out to be very complex when it hasn’t happened to somebody who would be horrified at being told they’re racist. That they’ve just expressed layers of unexamined unconscious assumptions.

So you’re having a good time at a supper time with friends when out of nowhere, one of your mates says something racist. It’s not anything as awful as using the "N" word, but it’s still something destructive about how Black or other nation’s people act. What would you do?

Imagine too that your kid is within earshot. Do you take your child to another room? Or do you explain to your child in front of everyone that racism is wrong?
Assuming that you are against teaching racism, here is something you can’t do: Nothing. If you say nothing, then your child and everyone else will think you agree with what that other parent is saying at the dinner table.


I have found that the following can help in such a situation: You acknowledge that you understand that the parent is speaking from his or her own experience. However, you also announce that you emphatically disagree with what is currently being said about how different racial groups act. You can say that you believe that it is very important to treat people as individuals, rather than as stereotypical members of their respective racial groups. If your kid did happen to hear the racist comment, you can explain this principle in more detail to him or her later at home.

Talking all of this rings a bell in my memory of a period in college when my soft-spoken, super-well-mannered girlfriend was driving a female acquaintance and me home from a party. She was jabbering away from the backseat and unexpectedly used the "N" word. He responded by directly pulling the car over. He resolutely told her that if she was going to use that language, she must get out of the car. He was my superhero in that minute for acting on what I didn’t have the guts to do myself back then.

I think that we can’t say nothing, but on the other hand, maybe it’s a good suggestion to build a big deal over it either, specially if children are around. If you come on too strong, you might finish up making everybody at the night meal uncomfortable, persons are supposed to be having a good time, too.