Dealing with Adolescence Problems

Parents as they grew older, even as they had more challenges of aging, they had fewer problems as they accepted much more in life that they used to complain about, and grew in their appreciation and gratitude for the little gifts that they no longer took for granted.

There are problems stemming from teenage separation. The parents complain how the teenager never talks to them any longer, never has anything to tell, and they feel nothing about what has happened. The teenager complains how parental checking and inquiries are invasive of the requirement for secrecy that comes with becoming more independent.

There are problems stemming from teenage differentiation. The parents complain about the teenager’s new taste in dress and entertainment and friends. The teenager complains that all parents do is criticize, refuse to accept that he or she is growing older, and are intolerant of his or her new interests.

There are problems stemming from teenage opposition. The parents complain that the teenager actively and passively resists their authority and refuses to cooperate at every turn. The teenager complains that parental rules and restraints are over protective and unduly restrictive of his or her personal freedom.

No wonder adolescence is a more abrasive and contentious time with so many more problems to deal with. Thus some understanding about the nature and management of problems is in order.

It is the dissatisfaction created by an identified problem that can drive efforts to close the discrepancy and restore personal content. In this sense, problems come with their own motivation to resolve them. This dissatisfaction can range from mild upset  to major pain. In the first case the person is energized to go looking for what is temporarily lost, in the second they are energized to confront the wrong doer and stop the mistreatment.

Because a problem is a judgment call, it is always a matter of choice – whether or not to take issue with some conduct, circumstance, or condition. And here conflicts can arise between parent and teenager, and between parent and parent, over whether something should be treated as a problem or not.

Then there’s the parent at the other extreme that is controlling to a fault with the teenage, too critical for that young person’s good. "You can’t trust her, she never does anything right, I have to ride her every step of the way, she’s nothing but a problem." And so the teenager’s confidence plummets as her resentment builds.

The more judgmental, rigid, and demanding a parent is, the more problems that adult will choose to have with the teenage. The more accepting, flexible, and adaptive a parent is, the fewer problems that adult will choose to have with the teenage. The first parent goes for control; the second goes with the flow. Each approach has its own strengths and limitations.

People have two responsibilities for their problems: creating them and intensifying them. Thus having created the perception of a problem, they also decide how important that problem is by the degree of worry and urgency they attach to it. For example, the adolescent decides she has a problem because she can’t find an outfit she likes to wear to the party. Now she intensifies the problem by saying: "I have nothing to wear! I’ll look awful! Everyone will notice! My life will be ruined!" By turning a minor dilemma into a major crisis, a problem becomes a major source of distress.

The great problem with problems, between parents or between parent and teenager, is the negative effect they have on relationships. Now attention is focused on what’s wrong, on what is not working, on discontent, grievance, and unhappiness.
Under the influence of the negative mindset created by the preoccupation with problems, complaints and hard feelings can rule, appreciation of each other and the relationship can be lost, and neither side feels inclined to make the positive initiatives and investments that the relationship sorely needs.

At this juncture the contribution of laughter, enjoyment, play, fun, expressions of interest and love are essential to help renew and restore a relationship that is faring badly at the moment.

There are three rules for coping with problems between parents or between parent and teenage to think. First, take responsibility for your troubles for making a judgment and making a discrepancy that states how things are, is not how you want them to be. Second, don’t let the harmful focus on the problem overwhelm the positive perspective on the relationship, thus permitting displeasure to drag you down.

Third, when beset by problems, take optimistic initiative and make optimistic contributions to remain the relationship nourished with fine emotions to maintain you through what can be a hard and unrewarding time.

This is what every parent should really learn about. But I also think adolescence a period all parents had passed through once in their life time and for this reason alone we all should try to show some understanding of the teens’ situation. Parents should all remember how it was in their own time and there will be no conflict in the end.

Copyright by Lucy who likes shopping online, going fishing, often searches england soccer jersey and fashion things on the Internet.