How do you think of Narcissist

We all know learning is so important, we don’t see how it can be a bad thing. And it helps you so much in your interactions with others. If you know about yourself, your motivations and your worldview, you can understand and control your interactions with others, instead of having these things control you can potentially sabotage relationships.

Narcissism is all the rage these days, it appears to turn up in every third conversational have, accusations of narcissism are thrown at introverts and extroverts in almost equal measure. So who is the narcissist?

Research does find a correlation between extroversion and narcissism, although not all narcissism is pathological. The unpleasant kind, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, is a very particular disorder, described thus in the DSM-IV:

1 Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
2 Requires excessive admiration
3 Is interpersonally exploitative, takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
4 Has a grandiose sense of self-importance
5 Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
6 Has a sense of entitlement, unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
7 Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
8 Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
9 Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people.

People with true NPD are rare and frightening creatures to be avoided if at all possible. But like all personality traits, narcissism exists on a continuum, and there is such thing as “normal” narcissism. I would wager a guess that the narcissism described in this article about narcissists and perceived creativity falls in the normal range of narcissism. In the article, narcissists are described as conveying “more enthusiasm, confidence, and charisma while they are selling their ideas to others.” Which sounds as much extroverted as narcissistic, and it doesn’t sound like a bad thing at all.

But how about accusations that introverts’ focus some say excessive focus on the inside of their own heads is narcissistic? Freud thought it was, Jung begged to differ.

More recently, we have Dr. Jonathan Cheek of Wellesley. He studies shyness, so his research is only somewhat applicable, but it’s a good place to start.

“I would distinguish anxious self-preoccupation from selfishness,” he says. “They’re both excessive self-focus, but I think the distinction is very important.” In fact, the Cheek and Buss Shyness Scale finds a strong negative correlations between shyness and overt narcissism.

However, shyness does correlate positively with hypersensitivity or what some call “covert narcissism” which is vulnerable and anxious rather than exhibitionist and grandiose. That’s the kind of narcissism that imagines everyone is looking at you when you enter a room.

All introverts don’t feel that way, but some do. And doesn’t it seem possible that some other introverts actually are sitting quietly in the corner of the room feeling superior to the hoi polloi around them? And is it possible that the extrovert-hating introvert is a low on empathy, unable to see and respect other aspects of extroverts’ humanity?

It seems to me both introverts and extroverts can have narcissistic qualities. So, who is the biggest narcissist? The narcissist is the biggest narcissist. Introvert or extrovert.

We are great, complex machines filled with light and shadow and nuance. Bashfulness and sociability are just two characters among the many–narcissism included–that make us individuals. As a result, pointing fingers is a waste of time. We’re all correct, and we’re all incorrect. Better to just try and get along.

As an introvert, it always seemed to me that extroverts would be more likely to become narcissists than introverts. It makes more sense for them to need to be the center of attention and to boast and convince others of their importance in order to gain that attention. I never really considered the possibility of a quiet narcissist who isolates him or herself from others because he or she considers the rest of humanity inferior. That leads me to think that introverts will often mistake extroverts for narcissists, viewing their constant need for interaction and attention as inflated self-importance, and extroverts will often mistake introverts for narcissists, viewing their withdrawal as arrogance.