2010年9月20日星期一

Top 9 Relationship Killer

Having been a tomboy growing up, I’ve always tended to get along with guys more than the girls and can’t imagine losing these relationships. On the other hand, I had been part of a talk group with so-called relationship specialists, and the guys in the group seemed to suggest that from the male perspective, there is always a lingering consideration of there being a few possibility of taking the friendship to one that includes other benefits.

The saddest thing I know on the treatment couch is somebody telling me that they’ve killed their relationship all the way through what they have or haven’t done.

In reality, some actions are relationship killers. Here are some areas where action or inaction will make all the difference.

It’s the Top 9 Relationship Killers
1. Money. It is the number one cause of separation. If a partner has been unprincipled, getting the trust back can be a challenge. You can start over, but you have to be eager to make up for what was lost and make sure the business side of your relationship is tuned-up.

2. Disrespect. If you call your partner names, belittle him or her, threaten to leave, or use insulting language and yell, research shows that your relationship has a very low chance of survival.

3. Sex/infidelity. A sexless marriage or unfaithfulness can extinguish love quicker than blowing out a candle. Don’t let the flame burn out when keeping things warm is much easier than you think.

4. Children. To some, children are bipedal germ carriers; to others, they are a reason for living. When families blend or go through difficult changes, the kids can become the entire focus of your relationship. Make sure to keep things in balance with your partner, so you have the energy to deal with any child issues.

5. Opposite-sex friends. Would you want your mate to hang out with a member of the opposite sex, having lunches, texting, etc.? If the answer is no, then you need to follow the same guidelines and talk with your partner about keeping appropriate boundaries.

6. Resentments. When you are holding pain, hurt, or anger in your heart, there is little room for love. If you are harboring some resentment (and who isn’t?), talk it out and put it to rest, so you can enjoy your relationship.

7. Discomfort/remodeling. If you are living in a construction zone, it’s pretty hard to feel comfortable. Injury or illness can create a similar situation. Your home should be a place of serenity, so if you are remodeling or are dealing with physical issues, make your comfort a priority.

8. Lying/broken promises. Once you have been caught in a lie or break a promise, things change-and not for the better. Even if you’re afraid of “getting in trouble,” tell the whole truth and don’t break promises, and find a way to make up for past mistakes.

9. Laziness. All good relationships require work. If you are unwilling to do it, your connection will diminish and you will begin to resent your partner. Talking about the kind of work your relationship needs is a good start.

It’s not very complex. Keep away from these relationship killers, and keep the love alive in your life.

We couldn’t be involved with somebody romantically who has issues with us having opposite sex friends. And I think, in particular while you are elder you might have been friends with opposite sex friends for decades, and now you are thought to not be friends with them? No. The new partner needs to know these friendships,which is the key here. I am upfront about my opposite friends at the start of any romantic relationship.

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